Don't Read This

Think about the time you are awake, i.e. you're not physically in bed or somewhere else, without proper consciousness... How would you characterize your actions? How would you describe those things that you are engaged in? Are you actually doing something? Of course all of us can easily (perhaps defensively) come up with quick convincing answers to these questions and imagine all sorts of wonderful labels to slap on our moment to moment behavior. If no one asks to justify ourselves to the world, we won't do it. We can justify ourselves to ourselves in a matter of seconds and go on existing, easily, lazily, whatever. When someone does ask us, we begin a winded account, oh, I'm working/studying/volunteering/meditating/relaxing/wasting/insertyourown-ing so that the world and myself can become a better place...but luckily no one usually asks and we don't really bother to think about very often anyway...as long as we're looking forward to something else, it'll be all good, and if we're not doing that, then we're remembering something great that happened in that past. We dwell on things that have no inner meaning or substance on their own but simply have hooked some part of us and we have proven helpless to disengage from it. Ask yourself, am I truly happy in the sense of happiness that I have thought long and hard about? And if you're honest, the question will probably make you sad and bring forth another round of justification of "well of course I'm happy because I'm working/studying/volunteering/meditating/relaxing/wasting/insertyourown-ing.
Software and hardware, that's what we are, and we have no idea who wrote the software or how truly the hardware is wired. Its a trap, an endless cycle and it makes me fragile to think about it. Who's really in charge of your/our/my life? The motivation to write this was actually very positive. Because within the monotony and between eons of repetition lie brief, accidental glimpses of what it can be like if we were not inside of the cave, but rather on the outside, free to move, act, exist according to no one's software but that of our own conscious organism. I don't know how but seek those moments, find them, use them, cultivate them, and they will become more numerous, until they become your life. I've written way more than I intended and I'm sorry if there's some negativity here...its all positive. Forge forth. Don't make excuses. There is no excuse for life. Good night.